About a year and a half ago I was exactly in your shoes! We had one, two year old daughter who had finally started sleeping through the night and I was just telling one of my mommy friends on the playground I was so happy with one kid and I truly felt our family was complete. We live in Colorado so our weekends are filled with running, hiking, skiing, travel, etc etc. I had just started my own coaching business. I had finally gotten comfortable traveling solo with my daughter and as a running coach I can work anywhere, the world was our oyster! I had just weaned nursing, finally felt comfortable in my body, and had run a 3:16 marathon and was gearing up for a big training cycle to go for sub 3 and then crush the Boston Marathon… and two weeks later found out I was shockingly pregnant. I struggled with infertility for YEARS and had to do IVF for our daughter so a natural pregnancy wasn’t even remotely on my radar. Incoming!!! It took me the entire first trimester to come to terms with having a second kid, and I worried about everything from being overwhelmed with being outnumbered when my husband was at work to not loving him as much as I loved my daughter (how could I POSSIBLY love someone as much as I love her!?). Long story short, I literally cannot imagine our family without him. We do all of the same things we did with one, and yes the car is a little more packed on our travels, but so are our hearts. I found that it isn’t twice as much work having two kids because you’re already in the rhythm, you know the drill and what to expect. You have all the “baby things”, you won’t call the pediatrician 25 times the first week you bring baby home and Google normal infant poop pictures. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not super excited, I think the difference between baby 1 and baby 2 is now you have a very real understanding of the “expectation vs reality” of parenthood. It’s not all matching clothes and chunky baby pics and picnics in the park. But that’s parenthood- it’s messy and a constant revolving door of problem solving. But it’s also hilarious and fun and awesome. And if you’re writing in, seeking advice, and worried about not being thrilled to expand your family, that means you care enough to be thinking of all the what ifs. You’re doing great with 1, and you’ll do great with 2, too!!
My husband also got a vasectomy after his birth (*high five*) cause one oopsababy is quite enough for this lifetime.
Please take in all the good advice others give here, but I have some additional perspective. I am a 76-year-old grandmother (I read Emily at the suggestion of my daughters) I have two sisters and as the oldest child I often wondered WHY! But they are who supports me and understand me and give me comfort in my old age. I am continuously grateful for my parents raising 3 of us--it gives us such benefits now.
In addition to the joy and in spite of the struggle there will be, your children will have each other to lean on in hard or lonely times. Best wishes to your family!
Just the other day I was drinking my coffee while watching my two-year-old and my four-year-old play together. They had made up a game that only they understood and were just dissolving into endless fits of giggles. We are similar to you- love to travel, two demanding jobs, and don't live near family- and I won't pretend it has been all easy. But in that moment, I was struck by the overwhelming realization that the best gift I could have ever given them is each other. Good luck and have fun!
No advice, just commiserating with the preferred parent. Both of my girls, 3 and 1, immensely prefer me to my active duty husband. It kills him that because he's gone all the time they prefer mommy but it kills me equally, if not more, that when he is home I still don't get a break. He's never home long enough to force a big change to our routine, so every bedtime, bath time, bruise, bump, scrape, snack, cup of water, on and on and on ad nauseum, HAS to be done by me, lest I incite their wrath and sign myself up for 30 minutes of screaming for mom while I sit in the other room wondering why I'm torturing everyone in the house (and maybe even the neighbors). It's a tough season to be in!!
Hi Happy Only Child! My two kids are 26 months apart. My husband and I also both work full time, are independent people, like to travel, and do not have any family nearby to help. First, I want to say that your feelings are valid. Do not feel guilty about them. The truth is, it is hard. There are things that you love that you will give up or not have time for, but IT IS TEMPORARY. You will find your balance and your rhythm, it just takes time. I'm hoping that knowing and accepting that ahead of time will help you. Before my youngest was born I told myself that life was going to be really hard for the first 18 months. And honestly, it was very hard. Probably harder than I thought it was going to be. I gave up a lot of myself. I stopped working temporarily, and I struggled with anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Now my kids are now 4 and almost 2, and while there is a part of me that just can't wait until my youngest can communicate more and is through the difficult toddler meltdowns, my heart hurts as I notice just how fast time is going. Time most definitely passes differently with the second one. The first two years with my first felt so slow and it has felt so fast (despite being harder) with the second. I tell you all this not to make you depressed, but to help you frame it not as "this is the rest of my life and it's not the life I want" but as "there will be a designated timeframe where it will likely be very hard and I will have to give up some things, but I will get it back" to help you see that your life will adjust to two and you will be able to do a lot of the things that are important to you, especially if you make it a priority. How to make these things a priority? First, I highly highly recommend having a regular babysitter that you can rely on and depend on. If independence and kid free time is important to you, prioritize a babysitter and budget accordingly. Second, and I recognize this is controversial, I do recommend prioritizing sleep routines as early as you feel comfortable. This is a hard line boundary for me, both my kids know it and they do great with it. Did it take a ton of repetition? Yes. Tears? Yes. But nothing else parenting wise has given me as much peace of mind as knowing that my kids get the sleep their bodies need and that I get the space I require each evening, night, and early morning. I do NOT knock those that make different choices or choose to cosleep, but it is the one thing that I personally recognize for myself would destroy my mental health and erode the space I need to be myself, be a good parent, and work full-time. And I will also say that the anticipation of tears at bedtime is often far worse than it ends up being. And third, as they get older, TRADE OFF. One parent takes both kids, while other parent travels with friends, goes out to an event or out to eat, goes on business trips, etc and comes back feeling more like themself and refreshed. Both parents do not have to be present all of the time. Even if the preferred parent leaves, you can create the boundary that this is just what happens in this family. The child adjusts. Finally as they get older all of this will continue to get easier and easier to do. Traveling is easier. Kids have each other to play with. In a couple years we can leave them both with grandparents. The hardest parts are NOT forever, and each time either of my kids went through a difficult phase, it really helped me to frame it in terms of a specific problem that I was going to put time and energy into researching and work on with them and that it would likely be a few weeks of being hard. And that is how it's been. It's never been forever.
Just for anyone who needs to see this - it is ok to have an only child. I know many people who feel pressure to have more than one and if that isn't the right choice for you - your singleton will be ok. It is a kind choice for our earth and should be normalized.
Seeing a bunch of posts about how great two+ kids are can be triggering for people with singletons so wanted to put this as a note for anyone who needs it <3 -a thriving only child
Dear Happy Only Child - We have two boys almost exactly 2 years apart, and honestly as number two has gotten older it has given us MORE independence because they can play with each other (versus always having to entertain)! It was an adjustment in the early days going back to nighttime wakeups, etc. but otherwise there has not been any difference for us in our ability to do fun things, be successful in our careers, etc. with 1 kid vs. 2 kids: finding a babysitter is not any harder when daycare is closed, we have taken them on just as many trips, etc. Once you get through the early newborn stage, I hope you actually find it easier and more fun the way we have!
We had a surprise #2 with a 14 month gap and I can tell you I was not *excited* at any point in the pregnancy. But when baby #2 arrived, she feels like she just belongs. I’ve also found the adjustment from 1-2 much easier emotionally (though not logistically!)…similar to you, I value my independence and non-parental identity, and we have prioritized not letting kids stand in the way of doing things, but nonetheless the identity shift with #1 was HARD.
That said…I increasingly realize how fast the hard days are flying by, and I feel like I’ve unlocked a new level in my identity rather than losing it in parenthood.
I also cannot describe how heart-swellingly sweet it is to see my older baby love on the younger, to see the younger baby smile at her big brother, and I’m so happy that they will have each other. It’s hard to feel like there isn’t enough of me to go around, but while I didn’t feel at all ready for a #2, I now want a #3 (just not yet haha).
The best part of being the parent of four kids is being the parent of four young adults who love, support and care about each other. They have each other for their whole lives.
We had a very similar gap (26 months between kids) and it has turned out really well! It definitely is a new challenge having two kids and there is not really anything you can do to prepare, but don't undersell yourself on how much you learned with your first kid that will benefit the second/your lifestyle with two. We are so much calmer and better at juggling our children's needs, and now with a 2 1/2 year old and 5 month old and the youngest having just started fulltime childcare, we are very quickly finding our equilibrium. It feels more "normal" as far as our independence and sustainable than I expected at this early stage. We also were able to apply what we learned with baby #1 regarding sleeping and feeding, taking away a LOT of the stress of the early days and making infanthood a true joy. We've been embracing this stage and it really feels like it is flying by. We travel to Scotland with the kids in a few short months, along with the grandparents and auntie and uncle, and we can't wait to embrace each new stage and to get back to doing the things we love. Having babies is so special but there will also be new stages and new freedoms when you move on from the infant/high physical needs period. You have so much to look forward to!
PS, I’m also reflecting on HOC’s question. I have an only child not by choice, due to pregnancy loss and infertility. I’m appreciating the benefits now, especially with my son’s new needs, but desperately wanted to be in HOC’s shoes this time last year after our loss, and it still stings to see people with children close in age.
I think a lot of David Whyte writing that “there is no sincere path where we will not be fully and immeasurably let down and brought to earth, where what initially looks like betrayal eventually puts real ground under our feet. The great question in disappointment is whether we allow it to bring us to ground, to a firmer sense of our self, a surer sense of our world, or whether we experience it only as a wound that makes us retreat from further participation.”
We both have that choice, on our respective green-ish sides of this fence. I wish you luck with yours.
For HOC, we recently had our second with a very similar gap. I had paradoxically remembered all the hard parts of an infant (mostly overnight-related), but I had forgotten that infants are much easier to go do things with. She doesn't care what shoes are required, she doesn't mind being set into a carseat or a baby bjorn, she doesn't get bored; you just have to keep her fed and keep the diapers changed. When considering going out for "adult" activities, the one we worry about is the toddler.
To the happy only child, I am also an only child who is now a parent. I loved our married life before kids and was scared that our first kid would disrupt everything. Becoming parents changed our lives, of course, but turns out we loved life with a kid! "Harder but better" as I heard. So we had a second. And when I was pregnant I thought, "What have we done?! We had it so good." But sure enough, life with two is "even harder but even better." And it's not THAT much harder, but it's definitely even better. Seeing them together is amazing. Holding a baby again, this time with the confidence of an experienced parent, is even better. Seeing that baby become a toddler and take those first tentative steps, thinking about all the fun and sweetness that follows, amazing! And so on.
But really, what I'd underscore is that, as an only child in my late 30s, I wish *I* had a sibling. When my own parents split a decade+ ago, I wished at the time I had a sibling to go through it with me. As I look ahead to caretaking for my aging parents, I wish I had a sibling to share in that experience. I wish I had a sibling for all the fun and hard times--someone beside me for the rest of my life.
So for me, the long-term view is hard to deny. Our kids will always have each other. Not just as babies and toddlers and young kids, but also as young adults, and then in mid-life, and later in life, etc.
My kids don't have quite as narrow of an age gap (my son was a few months shy of 3 when my daughter was born last summer), but going from one to two was still a lot - in beautiful and hard ways. More love! More crying! More everything!
I'll echo what a lot of people have said already, the first few months are hard (I've never been a fan of the newborn phase, personally!). You're finding a new rhythm, and it's a lot of trial and error, and just rolling with it. But! This time around, you have the gifts of experience and perspective. I didn't expect how valuable both of these would be. Even though I've never loved the newborn phase, I found it *significantly* easier the second time around. You spend less time worrying, researching, hemming and hawing, and just do it. It's so freeing!
Something that has helped tremendously is building out our village of care - whatever that looks like for your circumstances and finances. This time around, that meant daycare for my oldest, creating space in the budget for a house cleaner 2x a month and someone to clean up the yard every few weeks. Asking people to set up a meal train, and being intentional with planning things to look forward to (dates, coffee with friends, trips, etc.) and not relying on the fact that they'll just "happen". Releasing the guilt of asking for help, and understanding people genuinely want to help!
Lastly, therapy. It has been invaluable in processing the complexities of motherhood, and who I am outside of it. Having a therapist has freed me of so much "mom guilt" and given me the freedom to explore all the different sides of me (not just mom!), which I honestly think has made me a better mom and partner.
Best of luck - communities like this are such a good reminder that we are not alone. <3
It's nice reading all this. We have a 5-year-old and a 4-month-old and there's been a ton of feeding issues with the baby and we are very much mourning our old life particularly because our daughter was four so very independent at that point and wishing we hadn't made this decision which makes us feel terrible. It's nice to read that it will eventually be better though a little distressing to read that it will take two more years!
I'm in a similar boat: pregnant with my second and feeling a lot of different feelings about it. For us, we often call parenting "the long game" because we didn't get pregnant eager to repeat the newborn stage. We did it because we believe that this whole parenting thing will eventually get easier and it will be fun to have older children. My first is 2.5. It does get easier, right?? I've also started a list of all the ways I'll value and take care of myself this time around, and it has done a lot for my mental health. Wishing all the second+ time moms out there good luck!! Take care of yourself and everything else will follow!
To happy only child,
About a year and a half ago I was exactly in your shoes! We had one, two year old daughter who had finally started sleeping through the night and I was just telling one of my mommy friends on the playground I was so happy with one kid and I truly felt our family was complete. We live in Colorado so our weekends are filled with running, hiking, skiing, travel, etc etc. I had just started my own coaching business. I had finally gotten comfortable traveling solo with my daughter and as a running coach I can work anywhere, the world was our oyster! I had just weaned nursing, finally felt comfortable in my body, and had run a 3:16 marathon and was gearing up for a big training cycle to go for sub 3 and then crush the Boston Marathon… and two weeks later found out I was shockingly pregnant. I struggled with infertility for YEARS and had to do IVF for our daughter so a natural pregnancy wasn’t even remotely on my radar. Incoming!!! It took me the entire first trimester to come to terms with having a second kid, and I worried about everything from being overwhelmed with being outnumbered when my husband was at work to not loving him as much as I loved my daughter (how could I POSSIBLY love someone as much as I love her!?). Long story short, I literally cannot imagine our family without him. We do all of the same things we did with one, and yes the car is a little more packed on our travels, but so are our hearts. I found that it isn’t twice as much work having two kids because you’re already in the rhythm, you know the drill and what to expect. You have all the “baby things”, you won’t call the pediatrician 25 times the first week you bring baby home and Google normal infant poop pictures. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not super excited, I think the difference between baby 1 and baby 2 is now you have a very real understanding of the “expectation vs reality” of parenthood. It’s not all matching clothes and chunky baby pics and picnics in the park. But that’s parenthood- it’s messy and a constant revolving door of problem solving. But it’s also hilarious and fun and awesome. And if you’re writing in, seeking advice, and worried about not being thrilled to expand your family, that means you care enough to be thinking of all the what ifs. You’re doing great with 1, and you’ll do great with 2, too!!
My husband also got a vasectomy after his birth (*high five*) cause one oopsababy is quite enough for this lifetime.
Please take in all the good advice others give here, but I have some additional perspective. I am a 76-year-old grandmother (I read Emily at the suggestion of my daughters) I have two sisters and as the oldest child I often wondered WHY! But they are who supports me and understand me and give me comfort in my old age. I am continuously grateful for my parents raising 3 of us--it gives us such benefits now.
In addition to the joy and in spite of the struggle there will be, your children will have each other to lean on in hard or lonely times. Best wishes to your family!
Just the other day I was drinking my coffee while watching my two-year-old and my four-year-old play together. They had made up a game that only they understood and were just dissolving into endless fits of giggles. We are similar to you- love to travel, two demanding jobs, and don't live near family- and I won't pretend it has been all easy. But in that moment, I was struck by the overwhelming realization that the best gift I could have ever given them is each other. Good luck and have fun!
No advice, just commiserating with the preferred parent. Both of my girls, 3 and 1, immensely prefer me to my active duty husband. It kills him that because he's gone all the time they prefer mommy but it kills me equally, if not more, that when he is home I still don't get a break. He's never home long enough to force a big change to our routine, so every bedtime, bath time, bruise, bump, scrape, snack, cup of water, on and on and on ad nauseum, HAS to be done by me, lest I incite their wrath and sign myself up for 30 minutes of screaming for mom while I sit in the other room wondering why I'm torturing everyone in the house (and maybe even the neighbors). It's a tough season to be in!!
Hi Happy Only Child! My two kids are 26 months apart. My husband and I also both work full time, are independent people, like to travel, and do not have any family nearby to help. First, I want to say that your feelings are valid. Do not feel guilty about them. The truth is, it is hard. There are things that you love that you will give up or not have time for, but IT IS TEMPORARY. You will find your balance and your rhythm, it just takes time. I'm hoping that knowing and accepting that ahead of time will help you. Before my youngest was born I told myself that life was going to be really hard for the first 18 months. And honestly, it was very hard. Probably harder than I thought it was going to be. I gave up a lot of myself. I stopped working temporarily, and I struggled with anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Now my kids are now 4 and almost 2, and while there is a part of me that just can't wait until my youngest can communicate more and is through the difficult toddler meltdowns, my heart hurts as I notice just how fast time is going. Time most definitely passes differently with the second one. The first two years with my first felt so slow and it has felt so fast (despite being harder) with the second. I tell you all this not to make you depressed, but to help you frame it not as "this is the rest of my life and it's not the life I want" but as "there will be a designated timeframe where it will likely be very hard and I will have to give up some things, but I will get it back" to help you see that your life will adjust to two and you will be able to do a lot of the things that are important to you, especially if you make it a priority. How to make these things a priority? First, I highly highly recommend having a regular babysitter that you can rely on and depend on. If independence and kid free time is important to you, prioritize a babysitter and budget accordingly. Second, and I recognize this is controversial, I do recommend prioritizing sleep routines as early as you feel comfortable. This is a hard line boundary for me, both my kids know it and they do great with it. Did it take a ton of repetition? Yes. Tears? Yes. But nothing else parenting wise has given me as much peace of mind as knowing that my kids get the sleep their bodies need and that I get the space I require each evening, night, and early morning. I do NOT knock those that make different choices or choose to cosleep, but it is the one thing that I personally recognize for myself would destroy my mental health and erode the space I need to be myself, be a good parent, and work full-time. And I will also say that the anticipation of tears at bedtime is often far worse than it ends up being. And third, as they get older, TRADE OFF. One parent takes both kids, while other parent travels with friends, goes out to an event or out to eat, goes on business trips, etc and comes back feeling more like themself and refreshed. Both parents do not have to be present all of the time. Even if the preferred parent leaves, you can create the boundary that this is just what happens in this family. The child adjusts. Finally as they get older all of this will continue to get easier and easier to do. Traveling is easier. Kids have each other to play with. In a couple years we can leave them both with grandparents. The hardest parts are NOT forever, and each time either of my kids went through a difficult phase, it really helped me to frame it in terms of a specific problem that I was going to put time and energy into researching and work on with them and that it would likely be a few weeks of being hard. And that is how it's been. It's never been forever.
Just for anyone who needs to see this - it is ok to have an only child. I know many people who feel pressure to have more than one and if that isn't the right choice for you - your singleton will be ok. It is a kind choice for our earth and should be normalized.
Seeing a bunch of posts about how great two+ kids are can be triggering for people with singletons so wanted to put this as a note for anyone who needs it <3 -a thriving only child
Dear Happy Only Child - We have two boys almost exactly 2 years apart, and honestly as number two has gotten older it has given us MORE independence because they can play with each other (versus always having to entertain)! It was an adjustment in the early days going back to nighttime wakeups, etc. but otherwise there has not been any difference for us in our ability to do fun things, be successful in our careers, etc. with 1 kid vs. 2 kids: finding a babysitter is not any harder when daycare is closed, we have taken them on just as many trips, etc. Once you get through the early newborn stage, I hope you actually find it easier and more fun the way we have!
We had a surprise #2 with a 14 month gap and I can tell you I was not *excited* at any point in the pregnancy. But when baby #2 arrived, she feels like she just belongs. I’ve also found the adjustment from 1-2 much easier emotionally (though not logistically!)…similar to you, I value my independence and non-parental identity, and we have prioritized not letting kids stand in the way of doing things, but nonetheless the identity shift with #1 was HARD.
That said…I increasingly realize how fast the hard days are flying by, and I feel like I’ve unlocked a new level in my identity rather than losing it in parenthood.
I also cannot describe how heart-swellingly sweet it is to see my older baby love on the younger, to see the younger baby smile at her big brother, and I’m so happy that they will have each other. It’s hard to feel like there isn’t enough of me to go around, but while I didn’t feel at all ready for a #2, I now want a #3 (just not yet haha).
The best part of being the parent of four kids is being the parent of four young adults who love, support and care about each other. They have each other for their whole lives.
We had a very similar gap (26 months between kids) and it has turned out really well! It definitely is a new challenge having two kids and there is not really anything you can do to prepare, but don't undersell yourself on how much you learned with your first kid that will benefit the second/your lifestyle with two. We are so much calmer and better at juggling our children's needs, and now with a 2 1/2 year old and 5 month old and the youngest having just started fulltime childcare, we are very quickly finding our equilibrium. It feels more "normal" as far as our independence and sustainable than I expected at this early stage. We also were able to apply what we learned with baby #1 regarding sleeping and feeding, taking away a LOT of the stress of the early days and making infanthood a true joy. We've been embracing this stage and it really feels like it is flying by. We travel to Scotland with the kids in a few short months, along with the grandparents and auntie and uncle, and we can't wait to embrace each new stage and to get back to doing the things we love. Having babies is so special but there will also be new stages and new freedoms when you move on from the infant/high physical needs period. You have so much to look forward to!
PS, I’m also reflecting on HOC’s question. I have an only child not by choice, due to pregnancy loss and infertility. I’m appreciating the benefits now, especially with my son’s new needs, but desperately wanted to be in HOC’s shoes this time last year after our loss, and it still stings to see people with children close in age.
I think a lot of David Whyte writing that “there is no sincere path where we will not be fully and immeasurably let down and brought to earth, where what initially looks like betrayal eventually puts real ground under our feet. The great question in disappointment is whether we allow it to bring us to ground, to a firmer sense of our self, a surer sense of our world, or whether we experience it only as a wound that makes us retreat from further participation.”
We both have that choice, on our respective green-ish sides of this fence. I wish you luck with yours.
For HOC, we recently had our second with a very similar gap. I had paradoxically remembered all the hard parts of an infant (mostly overnight-related), but I had forgotten that infants are much easier to go do things with. She doesn't care what shoes are required, she doesn't mind being set into a carseat or a baby bjorn, she doesn't get bored; you just have to keep her fed and keep the diapers changed. When considering going out for "adult" activities, the one we worry about is the toddler.
To the happy only child, I am also an only child who is now a parent. I loved our married life before kids and was scared that our first kid would disrupt everything. Becoming parents changed our lives, of course, but turns out we loved life with a kid! "Harder but better" as I heard. So we had a second. And when I was pregnant I thought, "What have we done?! We had it so good." But sure enough, life with two is "even harder but even better." And it's not THAT much harder, but it's definitely even better. Seeing them together is amazing. Holding a baby again, this time with the confidence of an experienced parent, is even better. Seeing that baby become a toddler and take those first tentative steps, thinking about all the fun and sweetness that follows, amazing! And so on.
But really, what I'd underscore is that, as an only child in my late 30s, I wish *I* had a sibling. When my own parents split a decade+ ago, I wished at the time I had a sibling to go through it with me. As I look ahead to caretaking for my aging parents, I wish I had a sibling to share in that experience. I wish I had a sibling for all the fun and hard times--someone beside me for the rest of my life.
So for me, the long-term view is hard to deny. Our kids will always have each other. Not just as babies and toddlers and young kids, but also as young adults, and then in mid-life, and later in life, etc.
My kids don't have quite as narrow of an age gap (my son was a few months shy of 3 when my daughter was born last summer), but going from one to two was still a lot - in beautiful and hard ways. More love! More crying! More everything!
I'll echo what a lot of people have said already, the first few months are hard (I've never been a fan of the newborn phase, personally!). You're finding a new rhythm, and it's a lot of trial and error, and just rolling with it. But! This time around, you have the gifts of experience and perspective. I didn't expect how valuable both of these would be. Even though I've never loved the newborn phase, I found it *significantly* easier the second time around. You spend less time worrying, researching, hemming and hawing, and just do it. It's so freeing!
Something that has helped tremendously is building out our village of care - whatever that looks like for your circumstances and finances. This time around, that meant daycare for my oldest, creating space in the budget for a house cleaner 2x a month and someone to clean up the yard every few weeks. Asking people to set up a meal train, and being intentional with planning things to look forward to (dates, coffee with friends, trips, etc.) and not relying on the fact that they'll just "happen". Releasing the guilt of asking for help, and understanding people genuinely want to help!
Lastly, therapy. It has been invaluable in processing the complexities of motherhood, and who I am outside of it. Having a therapist has freed me of so much "mom guilt" and given me the freedom to explore all the different sides of me (not just mom!), which I honestly think has made me a better mom and partner.
Best of luck - communities like this are such a good reminder that we are not alone. <3
It's nice reading all this. We have a 5-year-old and a 4-month-old and there's been a ton of feeding issues with the baby and we are very much mourning our old life particularly because our daughter was four so very independent at that point and wishing we hadn't made this decision which makes us feel terrible. It's nice to read that it will eventually be better though a little distressing to read that it will take two more years!
I'm in a similar boat: pregnant with my second and feeling a lot of different feelings about it. For us, we often call parenting "the long game" because we didn't get pregnant eager to repeat the newborn stage. We did it because we believe that this whole parenting thing will eventually get easier and it will be fun to have older children. My first is 2.5. It does get easier, right?? I've also started a list of all the ways I'll value and take care of myself this time around, and it has done a lot for my mental health. Wishing all the second+ time moms out there good luck!! Take care of yourself and everything else will follow!